Often a Simple "Thank You" Will Do

I enjoy the two minutes it takes to read cartoons in the daily paper, especially when one strikes a chord, as did the "Luann" cartoon authored by Greg Evans today.  In it, Luann says "I'm so tired of trying to get my dad's attention and approval.  I feel like I'm always competing--at home, at school, with other girls.  I'm just exhausted."  We live in an interconnected digital world, but one becoming increasingly depersonalized. Yet we all want to be loved and appreciated by others, or recognized for our "worth" as individuals and/or for our accomplishments--preferably in-person. Whether it's a hug, high-five or pat on the back, coming from someone we respect and delivered with sincerity, it's a feeling like no other.  Further, in a era where children now "earn" trophies and ribbons just for showing up, to have real meaning feedback must be credible in addition to being sincere. Delivering feedback with false sincerity, is poison. So say what you mean and mean what you say.

I'm not sure that feedback is the most accurate term to describe what I am referring to, but it boils down to five "A's".

Acknowledging someone's efforts, sometimes even just their existence
Paying Attention when someone else is speaking or trying to get a word in edge-wise
Expressing Approval of another's actions or ideas
Applauding good performance
Showing Appreciation for someone's actions of benefit to you or to others

My concerns are not so much about situations where feedback is instantaneous and deservedly obvious but rather less obvious ones, subtle accomplishments and actions, everyday occurrences:
...the grocery store check-out person who is friendly and helpful
...the parking lot attendant who greets you with a smile and is quick and accurate every time
...the spouse (me) who takes out the trash daily without being asked
...the spouse (my wife) who shops for and prepares delicious meals routinely

Especially when a behavior becomes routine and without realizing it we begin to take it for granted, it's time to recognize and applaud it or express appreciation.  Positive reinforcement is a good thing, especially when the recipient is so used to doing the action he or she no longer expects recognition.

This whole topic reminds me of a song from one of my favorite Broadway plays, Chicago.  In it, with lyrics by John C. Riley, the song is Mr. Cellophane.  In part its lyrics include the following:

"Cellophane, Mister Cellophane, should have been my name, Mister Cellophane.  Cause you can look right through me, walk right by me, and never know my name."

In closing, I believe one of the most important opportunities we all have today is to go out of our way to say "thank you for your service" to America's active duty military and veterans, to police and fire men and women, and to all first responders.  We shouldn't stop there, but it certainly is a great place to start practicing the five A's.