Take time to write a love letter


Take time to write a love letter

We’ve all been to funerals or celebrations of life where the deceased was a close friend of ours who passed away after a lengthy illnesses. At the funeral or celebration of life, friends and family of the deceased delivered heartfelt and inspirational eulogies or stories evoking happy memories, and reminding us of humorous events, in the life of our dear friend.  Maybe we were even one of those privileged to offer personal comments celebrating their lives. 

During our lifetimes we also have been inspired by or in some other way benefited greatly from someone—a mentor, in the broadest sense of the term--whose interest in us or caring for us made a significant, oft-times life-changing, difference in our lives.  Whether or not we stayed in touch with such a person, the impact they had on us remains in clear focus forever, and our feelings toward that person are positive and appreciative.

What I am about to suggest may not be comfortable for everyone to do, but I have gained so much satisfaction from it that I decided to share the idea. I wish I had started doing this earlier in life, but I didn’t. The suggestion arises from a special set of circumstances: During 2018 there were two occasions when a close friend was seriously ill, and on another occasion I had been reminded of a mentor who had made a wonderful difference in my life. In those three instances I wrote lengthy, hand-written letters reflecting on the goodness each person had brought to my life and also highlighting their personal traits and behaviors, the ones I found so inspirational and helpful. I wrote while each person was still alive and still able to comprehend and appreciate my message.

The saying “It’s better to give than to receive” applies to this special gift.  At a minimum, the giving of the message is at least as satisfying to the writer/giver as it is to the recipient. Of course, the same result applies to giving in general, whether gifts of time, attention, material items or favors done.  It takes time to hand write (never an email) a personal note to another person, time that is scarce and makes it easy to decide against hand-writing these types of letters.  But trust me, a thoughtful note or longer letter, especially one acknowledging the goodness of that person and how much they have meant to you--feels extraordinarily special, almost intimate.  Stop to meditate on how you would feel in receiving such a letter.  It is private, not meant to be shared unless the recipient wants to share it with loved ones.  (In all three instances in 2018,  I learned the person to whom I wrote did share my letter with their loved ones.)

Letters like I am writing about will be few and far between, if they truly are reserved for special people in your life…not day to day acquaintances but change-makers and those whose impact on your life or career has been unusually important.  By intending the letter to be private you are able to write with emotion and personal honesty, which means the message will ring true with the recipient.  We may never be on the receiving end of such a letter because it is a gift freely given by another.  But we can write and send such a letter.  And in the case of dear friends who are seriously ill, in particular, it will never be too soon for you to write such a letter. But it could be too late, if you procrastinate.  I hope you will give my suggestion a try.  And if you like the idea, pass it along to others.

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