Initial Responses to "Avocations Becoming Obligations" Essay
Initial Responses to “Avocations Becoming Obligations” Essay
Seven friends responded quickly to the "Avocations…Obligations" essay, and more will follow soon if history is any
guide. I love the range of responses, from the ridiculous (“In San Diego I’ve
offered to shovel the snow from neighbors’ driveways for 40 years, with no
takers.”) to the sublime (“I felt the Pandemic gave my soul a chance to catch
up. Hope I can hold onto that for a
little longer.”) In between those extremes were a series of terrific insights,
which I consider worth sharing. I have
amended these submissions in order to protect the identity of the sender.
Two friends I haven’t seen in many years responded and
suggested we go to lunch soon, at an outdoor restaurant, of course. One added a round of golf to his suggestion
of lunch together. He also encouraged me to continue writing in ways that
challenged readers to think, saying “There is just too much ‘group’ think out
there.” I was aware this same individual had a wife suffering from early onset
Alzheimers, and learned she had passed away recently. She was much too young to
have this disease and my heart went out to his family. We had a long personal conversation when I
called him immediately upon learning of his wife passing.
Along the lines of avocations morphing into obligations,
several people offered interesting insights. For example, a good friend of about 40 years wrote to
recount words of wisdom from her mother shortly before my friend’s marriage: "Never, ever, do anything you do not want to do for the rest of your life.” She
followed that advice shortly after getting married, when her answer to a
question from her husband was, in truth, she did not know how to iron a shirt.
My guess is that she never learned, either. Another friend sent in an old
saying along the same lines: “Always do a little more than what is expected,
and soon it will be expected!”
One dear friend shared a personal conversation she had with
her husband. She expressed her concern
that as the restraints of the pandemic continue to weaken and she becomes more active
socially with her friends (the old normal), would he feel as if she was leaving
him at home. Given the copious amounts of time the two of them spent doing
things (or not doing things) together over the last 12 months, her concern was
for not harming his emotional state. As I would have expected, his response was
fully supportive of the resumption of her social activities with women friends
and made it clear, it seems, that he could manage his time and activities
comfortably. I suspect this type of constructive conversation is one that might benefit lots of
couples where one or both of them are yearning to return to active social
lives, golf, pickleball, bridge, mahjong and other activities.
The adult son of one of my dearest lifelong friends
recounted how he and his wife had decided to use their second home, on a beach
on the Atlantic, less often in order to be able to share it (at no cost) with about a dozen families of friends and relieve some of the pressures
everyone was experiencing as a result of the coronavirus. These same friends,
however, had wiped the smile off his face by sending emails and other
not-so-subtle hints seeking a second bite out of the beachfront apple. “These
(emails and hints) put us in a bit of an awkward position and it seems now lost
that we were just trying to help everyone through a difficult time.”
As an aside, this younger individual very politely and
respectfully also invited me to give him a call to discuss Bitcoin and cyber-
and crypto-currencies. He is literally one of the brightest individuals I have
ever met in my lifetime and had made a serious foray into investing in these
opportunities. He had bitten his tongue rather than respond when
my piece on Bitcoin first came out, but since he was writing me again on a new
topic he decided to raise the subjects of Bitcoin and related currencies. In
the nicest possible way he invited me to call him, sit still, listen to him,
and learn. Candidly, the role reversal is a kick: I will be the student, he the
professor. I will take him up on his invitation out of respect for our
long-time friendship and his intelligence, not to mention how nicely he had
invited me. While my instinct is to remain comfortably and blissfully ignorant
on the value of digital currencies, I owe it to him and his parents to make an
effort to learn more.
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