COPING WITH DISAPPOINTMENTS: IS TAKING THEM FOR GRANTED A HEALTHY RESPONSE?

Dear Friends and Family: It is easy to think about what to do with the good things in our lives, those we may have been taking for granted. See my November 29, 2021 essay, "Never Take for Granted a Good Night's Sleep". Identify, embrace and appreciate them. But what about the bad/sad things, and the disappointments and frustrations we may also be taking for granted? What do we do with or about them? These are not simple questions. They arise from an observation, which I consider quite profound, made recently by our 19-year old grandson: "In this era of COVID I have gotten used to being disappointed." Let me put his insight into context before asking for comments from family and friends. Recently, my wife and I were thrilled to be able to corral/entice/bribe/host our two teen-aged grandsons (16 and 19 years old) to join us on a week-long cruise of the Mexican Riviera. As they checked out the list of excursions in Mazatlan and Puerto Vallarta, they picked the most thrilling adventures offered. Zip-lining as high as 250 feet above the ground, and rappelling through waterfalls appealed to our grandsons, both responsible young adults. I realize I am dating myself with what I am about to say, but here I go. I tried to sign them up for these E-ticket thrills. However, the excursion desk representative asked if I was going to accompany them zip-lining and rappelling. I chuckled (laughed out loud) at the thought. After 79 years of successfully avoiding zip-lining and rappelling through waterfalls I am not ready to try them out now. Sorry! "What's farther down the "thrill" scale, something all four of us can do together?", I asked. Whale-watching on a catamaran, it is, lunch included. Having witnessed our two grandsons' excitement anticipating their zip-lining and rappelling-through-waterfalls adventures, I knew they would be disappointed when I told them we were being forced by "the rules" to downgrade the excursion to watching whales slap their tails. Our older grandson had already made a casual reference to the cruise as a "floating retirement community", where young adults had little if anything to do. Ouch! We took them for dinner to Tamarind, the upscale (up-charge) Asian restaurant, our favorite restaurant in the Holland America cruise line, to try to cushion the bad news to be delivered. Our older grandson's response? "That's OK, Bop, in this age of COVID I have gotten used to being disappointed." My first thought was, "What a profound insight!" Second thought? "How sad!" Each of us no doubt can easily rattle off a litany of disappointments experienced during the COVID era. And what is especially sad, as I reflect on them, is how much less the disappointments matter to me or bother me versus a year or two ago, pre-COVID. I am not sure what to do about my COVID-related feelings, or lack thereof. It is certainly possible that our world will be plagued by new variants of the coronavirus for many years to come, challenging us with a never-ending stream of disappointments and frustrations. One fear I have is that as I become inoculated against COVID-related disappointments my lack of feeling will spill over to other disappointments or challenges, leading me to accept situations not in my best interests. Becoming a defeatist is not in my DNA--never has been, never will be. I remain unsure as to what a healthy response to COVID-related disappointments should be, but at a minimum it seems that nothing should be taken for granted without a thoughtful review. Friends and family, I earnestly invite your feedback, including opinions, suggestions, and ideas. I would be happy to launch the new year with an essay highlighting your responses to this essay. In closing, thank you for your active interest in these essays and for the thoughtful feedback throughout 2021. Best wishes for a happy and healthy 2022. mark